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I spent all of today enjoying myself. That’s what birthdays are for, right? Im a whole 27 years old today, and thank god Im finally out of the 26s. That was a depressing age to be. Now Im firmly in the 26-34 age range on most surveys, and starting a whole new solidifying, steadying part of my life. I can feel it.

Here’s some thingies I enjoyed today.

I absolutely adore this bubble bath. It smells good, like you would expect lavender scented bubble bath to smell like, and there’s something really luxurious about having a Milk Bath – makes me feel like Maggie Gyllenhaal in The Secretary. Except, ya know, I’m not being filmed. I hope. It also doesn’t turn the water into an opaque white pool of deliciousness, but it makes me skin feel nice and smooth.

Anybody ever heard of a Buddha Board before? I bought one today and its remarkably entertaining. I got a tiny one, about 6 inches square, but it comes with stickers and a cute little paintbrush. Ive been writing on it and watching the letters disappear is strangely soothing. The images stay up for a good three or four minutes, so you cant really do the “write down your worries and watch them disappear” technique because then you have to stare at them for longer than is palatable. Im using it more to do on-the-fly caricatures of whatever topic James and I are discussing on the phone. Ive done cigarettes held in place by pouty lips, different styles of Christian crosses, micro-organisms residing in a soon to be explosive belly, and lots of numbers. I count a lot on the phone.

I also finally got around to reading Stranger than Fiction, by Chuck Palahniuk. Ive had it on my bookshelf for quite a while, and its been staring at me, taunting me, sandwiched between two other books I haven’t opened yet. Ha HA! it said. You will NEVER read AGAIN! Bastard ass book. Darn you, grad school! When I actually did crack the book – sitting at my favorite breakfast stop, waiting for my Birthday Breakfast of eggs florentine, deciding whether or not I should have coffee or a mimosa – it was a lot less mocking and more intriguing than anything. I don’t know how I feel about Mr. Chuck, there. Evidently he’s a nice guy, but he tells a story in the introduction that makes me pause. As research for one of his books, he would call up sex lines and ask the worker to tell him their dirtiest, worst story. A young guy opened up to him, started crying, told him a heartbreaking story about sexual abuse and devastation, and they hung up. Palahniuk took that story, made it a plot line in one of his books, and made how many gobs of money off of that guy’s life. Unless I’m missing something, he didn’t know and didn’t contact the guy again. Anybody else find that exploitive? Still, his writing style is incredibly empathetic, focused on detail, emphasizing the humanity in everybody. I’m enjoying the hell out of it so far.

I got a gift certificate from a local yarn store, so I went poking around in there today. I was incredibly happy to find hand dyed Nepalese yarn! And! It was 30% off! Holy cow. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with it yet, but my goodness its soft and pretty. Its surprisingly heavy, too – probably because its some insane length, 150 yards I think. If anybody has any suggestions, let me know. Im still working away on Genevieve’s mittens (hi!), but the year is young.

I had a good day today. Im happy right now.

Good night, everybody.

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I am an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, smothered in secret sauce.

1. I cried like a little whiny baby on the ride home today.  Except for my jaw doing weird things, I feel a little better.

1.5. Flexeril KICKS ASS.  14 (super cute, Monopoly house shaped) pills left.

2. My heart hurts.  Looking at how beautiful the clouds can be pushed me over the edge.

3. A co-worker and I shared fart stories this afternoon to lighten the mood.

4. Somebody tell me a happy story.  Anybody?  I’ll pay you.

5.  I thought James got kidnapped by the DMV today.   Not too seriously, but it was a concern.

6. That’s all.  Im tired of venting; this one’s gonna be short.

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Chocolately evilness.

I am currently sucking on a Dove dark chocolate bar with, ahem, “a natural source of cocoa flavonals” and a large ad for breast cancer awareness on the front. Mmm… moral superiority.

Ive been trying to recommit to my Nestle boycott – Ive been trying not to buy Nestle products for about five years, after someone told me what sort of crappy things they do in third world countries. Oo here ya go – linkage! Its a badly designed page, but has the most specific, concise information. Hope its not too confusing.

Ive since slipped back into a nasty Twix habit after some kerfuffle with my birth control – I hate to perpetuate some sort of female stereotype but I gotta have me some theobromine when my hormones go all wonkey or I will kill. I take chocolate medicinally, ya see. Thank goodness, Twix is a Mars Bars baby (as is Dove), so that wasn’t too bad. In the past few months Ive fallen off the Nestle wagon a bit, once I realized Kit Kat bars were only 220 calories for a package. Mmm. Crunchy chocolate. Too bad I keep thinking about starving babies when I eat ’em. That’s not good.

So Im back on it today. I re-signed up for the official Nestle Boycott petition, and looked through a list of Nestle products. Theyre frickin’ everywhere, my goodness.

Look at this shit! Et tu, Rolo? I can do it, though. As long as Twix and Dove aren’t evil, those around me won’t be harmed.

I’m off to write a paper that could theoretically discredit my entire line of work. Wish me luck – its due Monday.

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Grumble Grumble

Hello!

Sorry for the long absence around here. I wrote a few more when I was on vacation; unfortunately I didn’t have a safe internet connection so theyre collectively stewing in their own petulant juices on my laptop. I wonder if it would be worth it to even put them up here? Their going to be password protected, due to the aforementioned petulantness (I like that word. Im going to officially appropriate it). I’ll think about it. One does incorporate my very first sports metaphor, which is rather exciting.

Ive been thinking about my blogroll lately. Three of my favorite blogs have shut down or gone on an extended hiatus in the last month. These are people Ive been reading for over a year, in one case it was one of the first blogs I ever read oh so many years ago, and I had a really nice connection with her, and then we just… drifted apart. I miss them.

Three blogs quietly dying in a month isn’t that rare. I read a factoid somewhere that 1/3 of all blogs die within the first three months, and half of them are inactive after 6 months. People get scared, or bored, or distracted with the dreaded myspace and never come back. They all surf their old, ghost town blog communities, obsessively checking everyone else’s pages and getting frustrated that no one’s updated, don’t even bother to turn to their own (what would they say?), then eventually the fad passes and the group moves on to… I don’t know, talking to each other? Unheard of.

I don’t think that’s why my favorite blogs up there ceased to be. I think they just… Im not sure exactly. Maybe they just ran out of that compulsion to share, or they got what they needed from a blog – more support in their community, or maybe now they feel normal or proud of their life – and they don’t need it anymore. I have no idea. I still miss them. I wish them good luck with whatever the hell theyre doing now.

There’s an odd sense of artificial closeness that comes from reading someone’s blog for a long time. The author is more likely to open up to a faceless, usually supportive audience, and tell things to you that they normally wouldn’t tell their friends and certainly wouldn’t tell you if you met ’em on the street. You learn that people feel the same way you do, and you feel like you know them even though youre only getting to see a very small, carefully selected fraction of who they are. Since youre not getting a complete picture, you can fill in the details to make their story more interesting. You can project yourself into their story, and you feel like youve bonded with the image of them you have in your head.

We all do it. Admit it!

Im not going to even talk about those friends that you make through blogging. That’s a whole other kerfuffle that can lead to stalking on one end, good friends in the middle, and marriage on the other. Never underestimate the almost instant intimacy the internet can bring.

Mistress Matisse was noting that since Time magazine couldn’t make up its damn mind and said that all us blogger folk were Person of the Year (People of the Year, maybe?), that blogging is now “hopelessly out of fashion.” Maybe this is good, maybe the only people who decide to start up blogs will be those who actually have something to say, and have that need (like I do) to reach out to other people, however superficially, and put some effort into their work. Maybe there’ll be more punctuation! I’d like that (says the girl who commonly forgets her apostrophes). I would gladly trade the quantity of new blogs to read for quality.

In any case, Im going to massively revamp my blogroll. Many have gone dark, some Ive kept on, and will continue to keep for sentimental reasons even though they haven’t updated since May of 2005 (and are now evidently password protected – huh!), some have changed their focus so I’ll need to recatagorize them, and many are getting more and more interesting. Im also going to add a few new guys.

If anybody has suggestions for blogs Im missing out on, please let me know. Ive noticed Im gravitating towards blogs that have authors documenting their slow recovery from crippling depression, so anything uplifting but interesting would be nice.

I promise to be around more, too. School is starting up again, which means more time in front of a computer doing some quality procrastination exercises. Ya’ll be good til then.

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Writin’ on a plane, doot doot doo…

Well this is an exciting day in the life of my nerdom. I’m on a plane going to my Hometown (gonna see the parents for Christmas, then get the hell out of Dodge and see James for New Years), and not only do I have a cute little laptop setup on my foldy tray, Ive also got some iPod rip off white earbuds in listening to Gnarls Barkley. Wow I’m an ass, huh. Nice.

Obviously it would be horrible if I were attempting to get online while the plane is in the air – Id either be swimming in credit card debt by the end of the flight or Im somehow, oh so sneakily and nefariously hacking into the navigation system and checking all my blogs while the pilots freak the hell out (“Where are we going?! Mayday! Mayday! Our radar seems to be a sex blog!”) – so I’m typing this up in Word, which is severely cramping my whole “writing wittily” thing and putting me into a more “let’s reference esoteric articles” mood, so I’ll probably keep this short. Course, Im going to be in the air for another 2 hours so I guess I should come up with something.

I would just like to say that I think two sentences ago might be the most flagrant abuse of run-on that Ive ever attempted. My god woman learn to use periods. Also? I love the word “nefarious.” It’s not in my regular rotation, yet I’ve used it four times today. I think its ready for a comeback.

On the first leg of this trip, I sat next to a congenial older lady in a purple peek-a-boo shirt, bright red hair with 3 inch grey roots, and breath that smelled of brandy. Next to her was a 6’4” earnest, business man type, probably my father’s age, who commiserated with me on the tininess of the seats . Evidently he goes on business trips almost every week and the cheapskates who employ the poor guy cant upgrade him to at least business class – hell even requesting a fire seat would have been a kindness.

The lady was my favorite. She had such a sweet smile , a charming honker of a snore, red dyed eyebrows, and slightly crossed eyes that crinkled up when she laughed. She also might have pneumonia, that cough of hers was scarily gooey. We bonded over snack mix.

The last time I flew anywhere, I was meeting a friend in a mutually sentimental spot for a road trip. – it was only five or six months ago but it feels like decades. I actually got nervous getting to the airport – I read the oh so friendly travel tips that accompanied my itinerary and showed up at the airport 3 hours early, I packed enough food, a pillow, and a thin blankie in my backpack in case I got stranded in my layover, and ran through that security checkpoint like my undies were on fire.. I ended up getting to my gate 2.5 hours early. I live in the middle, baby.

I think this is because of the metamorphosis that occurred over the past few months. Im not the same person – Im engaged, for one thing, which caused a spurt in my maturity that I wasn’t expecting.

God I wish I had Sims 2 on this thing.

Sorry. Got distracted there. What was I talking about?

Right. I feel more adult that child now, which is new. I certainly don’t feel like a full blown grown up, but Im definitely not a kid. Im regularly wearing moisturizer now, for fuck’s sake. And not because I want to prevent wrinkles, no! It’s to slow down the crevices that suddenly appeared on my forehead. Where the hell did those come from? There’s also the emotional stuff; all my therapy is finally clicking with me, things are making more sense to me, Im not bereft if I have an otherwise forgettable but not necessarily perfectly polite interaction with everyone Ive ever met (that’s pretty huge), I can yell at james and he can snipe at me and I know we’ll be okay… Im not sure how I feel about all of this, but I think its good. I feel so much more confident than Ive ever been.

Somehow that translates into me freaking out about a short plane trip. Hm. Makes sense in my head.

Okay Im going. I’ll read this over when I get home (hee hee!) tonight, make sure I made at least some sense then post this puppy. Merry Christmas, everybody.

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