I woke up with cotton mouth and a pounding headache. I was in a large, freshly made bed with my family and some of my closer friends peering down at me, worried and exhausted. A man with a harried smile, white lab coat and useful looking clipboard started talking to me.

They were glad I woke up. But while you were out we did some tests and it looks like we're going to have to arrest you for suicidality, grand theft auto and public drunkenness.

What?! What do you mean "suicidality"?

We took some tests and as you see here (three overhead projectors lit up, the first had a huge "99," the second "99," the third "63") you scored extremely well on your cognitive functioning and your goal directedness, but your emotional score is very low. We can't have someone like you going into your profession, youre not stable enough.

What are you talking about? I interjected. Everybody is going to feel sad sometimes, at least Im strong enough to face it! And when did you take this test? When I was comatose? How did that effect my score, d'ya think?

My family murmured their assent. The suicidal part of my case was taken care of.

Go ahead and get dressed, we'll meet you in the courtroom at 10am.

I am in the courtroom, wearing a grey fitted suitcoat, white silk shirt, and grey skirt. I am not allowed to speak until the character witnesses are done, theyre not allowed to see me in case I effect their testimony.

My mother got up first.

We were at the celebration for my husband's award and Tildy started acting very oddly. I don't know how much she drank – my husband was very drunk by this point – but I saw her leave the room with Catherine and then I didn't see her any more that night.  I was serving crabcakes at this point.  I don't think she would steal a car, she had a tough childhood but she's been so good lately!

They called up my dad. He was still drunk.

This whole trial is ridiculous! I won't stand for it! This whole trial – did you know I won an award for physics? Im smart. My whole family is smart. Tildy's smart, but she gets distracted by silly things sometimes, never had a head for math. You wanna see my award?

He toddled off the stage, muttering to himself with intermittant yelps and giggles. They called up Catherine.

Tildy was incredibly drunk. I led her out to my car and strapped her into the passenger seat, with her head down, to sleep it off. I went back in to the party. A little while later the car was gone – I don't think Tildy did it, though, how could she? I strapped her in really tight. She couldn't move at all. Plus she was passed out.

They called up some of my professors. They called up my ex-boyfriend. They tried to call up an ex-girlfriend, but she hadn't come to the trial.  They called up my landlady. Not all were at the party, but they all agreed that yes, I might have gotten drunk but no, they don't think Id steal anything.  

I was slowly remembering what happened that night, and getting very angry. I almost died, and no one knew what to do – not even my parents!  They were so wrapped up in the party they forgot to mention to anybody that I was diabetic. Decorating that hall space for the party was exhausting and time consuming – I hadn't eaten all that day, I only had had those two vodka and cranberry drinks and I could feel my blood sugar drop way down. I was very tired. Catherine caught me, I tried to tell her that I needed to go to the hospital. She trapped me in her car. I wanted to fight her off but I was just so sleepy. I knew if I fell asleep I would die, but I couldn't keep my eyes open.

I stood up.

Excuse me!

Youre not allowed to talk yet, Tildy. Sit the hell down. This is not going well for you, youd be better off if you just shut up.

EXCUSE ME! Does no one here know Im diabetic? My parents do, but they were so drunk they couldn't care! My friends do, but theyre so used to me being okay they didn't even think of it. Where is James? What the hell happened here? Did it occur to ANYONE TO CHECK MY GODDAMN BLOOD SUGAR?


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